Friday, December 4, 2009

just a thought

Today would have been my friend Kristen's 49th birthday. We would have had a tree trimming party, drinking champagne and eating brownies, because she didn't care much for cake. She would have told us how plans were coming along for her 50th celebration in Italy. She loved to plan parties, trips, and menus, and Italy involved all these. She had started planning it in her early 40s.

Instead I am sitting here contemplating how much cancer has taken from me over the past few years: my best friend; my body as I knew it; a measure of naivete or perhaps blissful ignorance. The faint whisper of mortality has grown to a bit of a cacophony since Kristen was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the end of 2005.

I hope that the robbery is over. I'd add "forever," but I know that is too much to hope for, so I'll put in my request to the benevolent spirits for a good, long hiatus and hope that someone finds a cure in the meantime.

Perhaps you could take a minute today to think about a friend that you've had for a while. A long while. The kind who knew you when you were young and foolish and did dumb things, and who loves you anyway. A friend who knows things about you that you would rather forget, and is kind enough not to mention them too often. A friend who keeps your secrets and tells you hers, a friend who by the simple fact of her existence makes the world a steadier, easier place for you to reside. Maybe you could call or write her (or him) if you can, and tell her how much she means to you. Life is so short and sometimes terrible things happen without warning. I think it's a good idea to counter them with unexpected wonderful things.


  1. Oh, Patti! Wonderful entry. Thank you.
    Love, Jen

  2. Patti,
    It's so wonderful to have found you again!! Reading your blogs today really filled my heart!!You have always inspired me in so many ways you don't even know!! You have touched my heart and my mind!! I'm very lucky to have even meet you, we are tied in ways, maybe not knowing each other as we grow up but in different ways, maybe we were just thoughts and or a wonder, but we were still there!! I love your blogs!! I will read them often!! Thank you so much for the invite and the inspiration!! You are truly a wonderful and strong lady!!
    Lots and Lots of Love to you,
    Your Sister,

  3. I was thinking about you tonight, while reading the status updates on FB where all the women were mentioning their bra's color - I understand it was supposed to be some kind of breast cancer awareness attempt, but it left me unimpressed. Rather the opposite of reading your thoughts here. Thank you for keeping Kristin's memory alive, for turning that gorgeous diamond she had into such a precious ring for your own finger, and for continuing to bear witness to your own losses and truths around cancer, and life. I'm always so moved and challenged by what I find here. Please keep posting as long as it is meeting a need for you - and I will keep checking in b/c I benefit from your perspective and love your writing. xoxo Louise